Below is a paper I wrote several semesters back for my telecomm class. Our task was to pick a topic in the book — my case, of course, web design — and extend it. Half of it (well, my favorite half) deals with the philosophy of the web, and trying to tame a beast as wild & woolly beast as the Internet. It’s good for anyone who’s familiar with the web, HTML and things, but wants to know some of the inner-workings of the tubes. It also features probably my best crafted metaphor to date.

It’s a short read; four pages. I’ll get a HTML version up here soon.

DoingWebDesignWell.doc (108kb)

Today was another milestone in the quest for graduation. My final meeting with my academic counselor.

These should be terrifying times. I can’t wait! I love this place and would never think to wish my time away, but the prospect of the real world sounds way more fulfilling than the academic bubble. No more quizzes. Assignments. Papers to write. It’s the real thing, no more practice rounds. I’ve been dying for the chance (and frankly, the time) to apply my knowledge to something “real.” We got a taste of it last semester with all my projects, and I get morsels of it at work, but I’m ready to do a face-first swan dive into this web development stuff.

So that’s it. Left on my plate are the final responsibilities for me between now and May 10th:

1. Make the grades — D for Diploma Kidding, mom :D Fun fact, Johnny could rock a 2.5 this semester and still graduate cum laude. Awful tempting…
2. Savor every last drop of the Auburn Experience There’s still so much of it I haven’t seen, or even heard of. In two months, the dream expires. Enjoy it.
3. Find a job. I’m still on the hunt. Not too late to put your name in the hat…

It has absolutely FLOWN by. And it’s only going quicker by the day.

I love my logic. I can’t think of anything ever that was illogical. Even if it was really really stupid, it’s logic that makes up the giant mechanical gears that keep the Earth spinning.

So naturally when I came across this curious quote, I tried to logic it out (I would). Analyzed it. Which is exactly the reason this quote disagreed with me for a while.

I get it now. Sure… clever, calculated quips make for good comebacks and have great comedic value. But what is so much funnier is the things we don’t think about. Didn’t even mean to say; they just slipped out, like a little toot when we laugh too hard. Those natural reactions are so gruesomely genuine and such a fruitful breeding ground for comedy, creativity,… anything.

This also parallels with an old Camus quote I stayed hung up on from high school:

“You cannot create experience; you must undergo it.”

It’s like that old analogy of learning to ride a bike. You can read about it. Your daddy can tell you what that bike’s gonna be like. But until you sit up on that spongy seat and man those wobbly handlebars yourself, you’re not going to have a clue. You can’t think about not thinking, you just gotta not think! (Not unlike the game).

So that’s it. Don’t think, just do. Several connections later, I hereby declare war on logic. You won’t get it until you get it. And then you’ll get it :D

I wonder if this is what Al Gore was talking about.

The date is February 13th.

Several weeks into the new year, and high time for folks to cash in on those resolutions to get skinny again.
Spring break is just around the corner, after all.

Every third commercial is about getting healthy. Bally Total Fitness. Dan Marino eating healthy again. Have you called Jenny? Bowflex success stories. The Navy Seal-inspired Perfect Pushup. Even Subway’s trying to cash in again with a pat-on-the-back for creepy Jared.

I seem to remember a big romantic holiday just around the corner, too. Enter the bow-and-arrow-wielding cherubs.

So every second commercial is about love. It’s okay to look. Married couples from eHarmony talking about how natural it was to kiss a complete stranger for the first time. Every kiss begins with Kay. Other ads insisting you better get your lady some Russell Stover, or she’ll leave you for another bum who will.

(Lest we forget, chocoholics, that spring break is just around the corner. That’ll be my excuse)

And of course, for capital-minded men like myself, two months out is judgement day. Tax day.

Making every first commercial about doing your taxes. And except for the fat guy wearing his tax return suit of money, these commercials are unremarkable. But I am happy that H&R feels so threatened by tax software, they have to make an ad slamming “the box.” This I consider another incremental victory against the Man and his archaic institution of filing taxes.

It’s like when hate mail showed up in your inbox for the very first time. You know you’ve made it.

I can’t be an alumnus of Hugh Guffey’s marketing class and say I’m surprised to see these ads so frequently this time of year. But some of the content of them, it’s a little sickening how much they play on the fears and insecurities of consumers. I begin to wonder how many people pick up on the manipulation at work.

Then I begin to wonder why I started watching television again. :D

I am horrible at writing fiction. Always have been.

Back in grade school, fiction writing was always wide open. Any topic. Any characters. No rules. You were bound only by your imagination (which is a very big and scary space for some of us).

It was too much creative anarchy. I need a few rules. Like the rules for the 48 Hour Film Project: perfect. My paper doesn’t NEED lines and my jokes surely don’t have to make sense. But music without a beat is like running for miles in the middle of an ever-expanding desert. When do you quit? Where are you going? How do you find your way back to your car once you’re worn out?

How do you build something out of nothing? Heck, even MacGyver needs his paperclips, coconuts and things.

I bring up fiction because it’s beginning to parallel with my work in web design. I’m losing my touch. That voice in my head heckles everything I do. Every layout feels so cliche, or ugly or uninspired. From an information architecture/user interface standpoint, my designs are still organized and usable, but aesthetically, the art and colors are all complete crap.

Am I retiring? Probably not, I love it too much. I’m focusing more on development, or even being an interface guru or something slick like that. But if my life depended on it, I could still churn out a decent layout. Decent would be great.

Am I putting too much pressure on my new design job at work to turn everything around for me? Likely so.

Am I glad I didn’t stick with graphic design? Oh absolutely.

$2.23 Two dollars and twenty-three cents. All the liquid cash I have in the world right now. I have some money tied up in stocks, and of course a few debtors to hassle, but as it stands I am seriously broke.

Briefly, now. Poor College Kid’s Guide to Eating Cheap! Broken down into three sources.

1. Friends

   There’s always a friend with a padded wallet and a generous heart, willing to throw you a warm meal. Keep in mind, you owe this person big. That means you gotta be the one to stand up to get his Coke refill. Also, be ready to whip up your best conversation, and remember to get their dinner next time it comes around.

2. Strangers

   In a college town, there’s always a free dinner going on. Church groups, student political organizations, honor societies, someone is always serving food, and wishing terribly that any starving student would come rid them of their sandwiches and casseroles. Look around. I know a friend who went without buying food for two whole weeks making friends at different organizations.

3. Strangers with candy

   Rod (my father) really only stressed one piece of advice when I went off to college: Do not get a credit card. He described to me in gruesome detail the path of financial ruin followed by those who signed up for credit cards. Then come the high interest rates and the nasty phone calls and bad credit scores. It’s a mess.But! Often times, you can find offers for free things if you’ll just sign up for one little credit card. I’ve cashed in at Pita Pit, Wendy’s, and Domino’s. I even walked away from Home Depot with a sweet set of tools for the apartment. So if you see someone standing awkwardly in your path to a nearby restaurant, clipboard in hand, take them up on it. The key is to remember to CANCEL THE CREDIT CARD. It will show up at your house a week later. Call the 800 number and cancel it. Send that plastic card down the garbage disposal, or hold near open flame to induce melting. Laugh maniacally if the impulse hits.

   Also with this source comes a certain air of satisfaction, having stuck it to the Man. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back. That Wendy’s never tasted so good, did it? That’s right it didn’t!

At the end of the tunnel, there is some light shining. The good news is that debtors will soon cash in. Additionally, I got two part-time jobs yesterday. AeroWire needed someone to tweak their web site, and I said “sign me up!” I also picked up my my tenure at The Plainsman as ever-cranky Design Editor. It pays pretty bad, but the people are nice enough, and I enjoy the creative outlet a good deal. Annnnnd I’m doing some SEO for a certain convenience store equipment company. Hah :D

This weekend, I head back to bluegrass country to talk some more about getting one of those real jobs. You know, with their salaries, hawaiian shirt days, and in-house massage parlors.

They don’t have those? Damn. Maybe I should work at a spa instead.

… and I feel so very different.

I’ve said it several times already. 2007, a good year but not a great year. I see it as the springboard of great things to come in the future. The bump-set, if you will, to 2008’s big fat SPIKE.

Lots of fun things to come in the New Year, indeed.

I have little worthwhile to share, but needed to break the ice for the new year of blogging. So let’s catch up.

Already it’s been a good year of work, job hunts, and one more session down at school. This semester isn’t going to be as big of a useless joke as I had thought. I’m taking another Oracle class, a management course and a web development course. Granted, I don’t think there’s anything new they could teach me about XHTML & CSS. But, it sounds like this course will dip into XML, XSLT and some other acronym’s I’m not so strong-suited in. Good.

And well, my other course is Organic Gardening, for which I provide no apologies. :D Imma see if I can’t pick up some graphic design courses to keep me busy and keep my creativity in good form.

Classes begin on Tuesday. Hope everyone had a good winter break and I’ll be writing more soon!

It has been a damn productive week! The Daily Haiku Project went live, so to speak. Far from perfect, there’s plenty of things to fix and more additions I’d like to make down the road perhaps (a commenting system, for one). But it is up, and I encourage you to join the ranks and submit your own haiku!

Also completed is my Java 2 final project, Tapr. It’s a fairly simple program but it’s got some nice little knick-knacks for usability and such. Tuesday I present that bad boy, I’ll try to post some screencaps of it’s miracles soon.

And dragging in the caboose is Marquee, my support system for faculty advisors. It’s a funny thing about building these big web apps with a relational database model. You build all this framework for awesome stuff to happen… tables upon tables of classes people COULD take and departments that those classes COULD belong to, and professors that COULD teach those courses.. but a good deal of work goes into connecting the dots. What teacher is teaching which section of what course, from which semester? Meeting where? What building and room? What students are enrolled in those courses? Better still, what students have taken that class in the past and have a grade already assigned?

It’s a lot of data, especially for a developer. We tend to concern ourselves with what to do with the data, and not always the data itself, ya know? Definitely a lot learned (and a lot to be learned, still) from this project.

Also, I am pleased to announce I made Mommy & Daddy proud; I passed the Security+ exam. Therefore I can boast this on my site!:

Bwhahaha. The rest of my week sees me finishing out Marquee, and making a good show on one more final on Thursday. I cannot wait to set foot on Louisville soil again.

Goofy self-portraits in the mirror must mean I’ve got something to show off.

Welp, you’d be correct. New ultimate jerseys came in today, designed by yours truly. Tip of the hat to Spin Ultimate
for printing these up. I haven’t yet gotten the chance to sport them on
the battlefield yet, but they turned out awful pretty.

A smile both proud and slightly awkward.

This weekend finds me sidelined with academia,
chained to a desk, eyes bleeding, stinking of coffee and unshowered
body odor. For Monday, just around the weekend, I suit up to take the Security+ exam.
In the days that follow, I will wrap up my three projects and make
presentations for each. After that, just one (!!!) final will separate
me and the salvation brought by our Savior. Christmas break, that is.

You know I actually get some kind of sick masochistic high from
this? The productivity machine I become; I love a good challenge. The
hours upon hours of absolute hell add up to a genuine smile on my face
when small accomplishments and milestones come to pass. It’s
encouraging and ultimately very rewarding feeling.

It’s only just begun. This bleak tunnel extends for miles. See you guys on the other side.

Employers, professors, I ask you to shy your eyes. What follows are some assertions and conclusions I’ve gathered during my three and a half year tour of duty at this awesome life experience, collectively referred to as “college.” It has truly been a privilege, and I encourage you to share your own lessons from your college experience.

1. 80% of instutional education is appeasement.

   This one breaks my heart a little. Education is something I hold near and dear, but it seems that so much of learning involves satisficing those requests of your instructor. If you can learn to become a Yes Man (something I personally detest, and something most of those same instructors even preach against) you will find yourself pulling in some A’s you don’t think you deserve. This is particularly true in writing courses. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written something to a professors liking, and defended it to my friends with something like, “I know I know; it’s horrible, but that’s how he wants me to write this.”
    
   I had a tough time with this for a while, especially growing up. In my infinite discipline and respect for authority, I would always argue to my mom that “because I said so” was not a valid justification for anything. I owe her big.

   Ask lots of questions. Try things on your own and do them your own way. But, tragically, be ready to compromise your creativity for the sake of a better grade.

2. What they said about how much “college professors don’t care” isn’t entirely accurate.

   Live slightly in fear of them, because it’s true that they’re not afraid to flunk you without flinching. But they are also living, breathing, human beings. They have souls and compassion (most of them) and are sometimes generous if your shoulda-been-an-A came out closer to 89 or 88. If you can appeal to them and demonstrate that you’re interested in the subject and doing well in their class, you’ll find them much more responsive down the road.

3. Speak up!

   Most of my professors have welcomed student comments & input. Raise your hand and offer some of your personal experience or insight on the topic. Heck, in some of my quieter classes, I would add my quips just to keep the lecture (err.. classroom dialogue) moving. Even if it’s a lame joke, your professor remember you next time when you have something more intelligent to say.

4. I hold firm that anybody who can last one year at college can last four.

   Once you get that first year under your belt, you get into the groove of balancing the work with all that new freedom you just fell into. If you care about your friends from high school, don’t let them take that year off to go find themselves. Encourage them to get started in school; they’ll thank you later.

5. Money is not everything; far from it.

   This, I have adapted from a cheesy email forward I recently read, put better into terms a fellow college boy might understand. Life is like a beer. Flavorful and intoxicating. And money, power, status, etc.. think of those as barware; your mugs, pint glasses, and pilsners. It’s true that somehow, the experience of a delicious beer is enriched by a frosted pint glass. But even so, the chilliest of beer mugs can’t make the cheap beer taste like anything but cold, bubbly urine. In that instance, is it even worth dirtying another glass?